Week 1:

After a long delay at the beginning of the evening, the season finally kicked off with a match against the Mother Chuckers.  The Ship had a lean crew with six players all night, but the Chuckers ended up with only five players. We had the opportunity to take a forfeit and 10 free points, but we waited for them to show up so we could beat them head-to-head.  Fred got the season started, and though his trash-talking was in mid-season form, he was obviously rusty, as he had to be reminded which game he was playing.  Fred dropped the opening game, but Rich and Mindy followed him with two wins before Eric lost to their all-star player.  Jen picked up a win and Nikki got a forfeit win for, as we jumped out to a 4-2 lead.

Without Holly, it was up to Rich to make out the lineup, leading to questionable results.  The first cricket match saw Rich / Jen face-off against a single opponent.  In fact, it was more like a 1-on-1 game, as Jen single-handedly beat the Chucker, including a C3 to close out to the very long and much too close first game.  In the second round, Mindy / Eric split two close games that both came down to the last bull.  The last round was the most exciting, with Fred / Nikki playing a newfound tenacious style of darts not seen in past seasons.  Matched against a tough team, they won the first game but fell far behind in the second game.  They fought back with triples, timely points and bulls to take a game it looked like they were sure to lose.  In what is a promising sign for the new season, The Ship took 5 of 6 points in Cricket, giving us a 9-3 lead heading into D501.

D501 started out shaky, as Fred / Jen looked to be on their way to getting tossed.  But they battled back to make a game of it, but got caught at the end.  Eric / Nikki played a solid game in their match and not only won, but secured an overall win for The Ship.  In the last game, Rich once again faced a single opponent, as he and Mindy played the top Chucker.  Mindy doubled in right away, ensuring a quick game.  With the win, the final score was 13-5, which is very likely to place The Ship in first place after week #1.

Props:
Nikki - Undefeated (with help from a forfeit)
Rich - Undefeated (with help from playing 2-on-1 twice).
Mindy, Eric, Fred, Jen - Solid play, wins, AS points and no fines.
Mark & Christine - For scalping the pricey Opening Day tix.

Week 2:

Rich, the test monkey, started off the night by being blasted into orbit.  He returned with a win, but little did we know that this would be 50% of the total points we would score all night.  Dave spent all of his fuel in test runs, and when his match came he was all out of gas.  Holly hit the gas right out of the gate and even threw a ton-21, but she also flamed out before she could win.  After Fred's loss, it looked like Eric was going to continue the trend when he fell behind by over 200 points.  But he stuck with it and his opponent couldn't double-out, and Eric picked up the other 50% of The Ship's points for the night.  S501 ended with Jen's loss, and The Ship was down 4-2.

As Cricket began, the heat sensors on The Ship's wings began to overload, possibly due to the extra bright lights we insisted on playing under.  Rich / Holly started things off by getting swept, unable to stave off the round 9 and other indignities tossed their way.  Fred / Mindy stalled on a few numbers and were hit with an R5 and an R6, as they, too were swept.  In the final match, Nikki / Jen completed the Royal Bitch Slapping, by also getting swept.  With the score 10-2 after two rounds, the warning lights in The Ship's cockpit were flashing, danger signals were blaring, and the crew was scrambling to recover.

Dave / Eric gamely tried to right The Ship in D501, but they were narrowly edged out in game 1.  Mindy / Nikki played a real barn-burner. It was so close that their opponents, ahead by about 200 points, had to huddle and strategize an out from 76.  In the last game of the night, Rich / Fred epitomized The Ship's evening by nearly having their midget tossed.  Unable to double-in, they watch Copp-a-fields knock down points until they had 8 left.  Finally, Rich managed to double-in, and Copp-a-fields doubled-out on the very next dart, putting an end to the evening and leaving the remains of The Ship scattered across five states with a final score of 16-2.

Props:
The Red Storm - For kicking Bobby Knight's ass. 

Week 3:

Props:
Jen - 3 wins, and a 73-on with her first dart.
Eric - Excellent play, despite 2 losses.
Lorraine - For engaging in (future) random tawdry acts.

Week 4:

Rich kicked things off by jumping out to a nearly 300 point lead in S501, but he was unable to finish, and dropped the first game.  After Jen picked up a win, Nikki jumped out to a big lead before she, too, was caught from behind.  Mindy scored a Ton-40 and posted a big out to win her game.  But the last two games continued the earlier trend, as both Dave and Holly led their matches before losing, leaving The Ship down 4-2, despite having played strong in all six games.

Proving that this was a backwards evening, the team of Dave / Fred shed their losing ways and swept the first two games of Cricket.  Mindy / Eric split their matches, as did Jen / Nikki, in a pair of point-fest games.  Again, The Ship played six strong games and tied the match 6-6.

Mindy / Eric continued to play well together, as Mindy doubled-in right away to start D501.  The game looked to be heading for a tossing, but the Daughters finally doubled in and began to come back.  Despite their big lead, Mindy / Eric got caught and dropped the first game.  Dave / Fred, who were a combined 0 for 9 in 501 games this season going into their match, amazingly posted a win.  In the final match of the night, Rich / Jen doubled in early to start the game and looked to be cruising.  But the Daughters once again came back and scored a double-out to take the game and win the night 10-8.

Props:
Dave / Fred - Apparently two wrongs make a right.
Jen - 198 AS points, 2 wins and the start of a career in coaching.

Week 5:

The Ship tried to control its rage, despite a late entrance by Who's Your Daddy and another late start.  However, opening losses by Dave and Mindy began to raise the ire of The Ship.  WYD then further prodded The Ship by complaining about our scorekeeping and generally being annoying.  Fred and Nikki calmed the waters by scoring wins, but frustrating losses for Rich and Holly added to the mounting stress level of the night.  After S501, The Ship was down 4-2 and getting very angry.

Rich / Holly lost their first game, leading to The Ship's inevitable transformation into the dark personification of repressed rage and fury.  In their second game, Rich / Holly unleashed the fury and solidly trounced WYD.  Eric / Jen followed up this game with two great games and earned a split.  Dave / Fred faced WYD's best players and lost both games, leaving The Ship down 8-2 and extremely angry.

Eric / Nikki flexed and roared as they smashed WYD in the first game of D501.  Dave / Fred lost after nearly having their midget tossed, and then Rich / Jen completely hulked out.  Doubling in right after WYD, Rich / Jen stormed through the game with a series of big darts and opened a 200+ point lead.  After getting down to 40, Jen doubled out on the second dart and ended the night.  Fueled by rage, The Ship fought back to make it a 10-8 loss, but a strong finish that let WYD know not to make us angry, because they won't like us when we're angry.

Props:
Jen - aka Jennifer Walters.  Absolutely savage and sensational.
Rich - 520 AS points,  a torn shirt, but his pants stayed intact.
Eric - GRRRRR!  Stay back, he's a killer!
Nikki - Hulk Smash!
Darian - For encouraging my behavior.

Week 6:

Just like the Tigers and Lions, the MSU Alumni had trouble right out of the gate, finding themselves down 6-0 after being swept in Cricket.  With surgical precision, The Ship coolly racked up wins, with the most heartbreaking loss coming when Holly posted a 3-dart 72-out, with a 20-20-double 16.

The first game of Cricket provided a ray of hope for the embattled MSU Alumni, as they came from behind to out-bull Fred / Holly and post a win.  But their joy was short-lived, as Fred / Holly came back and won the second match.  Rich / Jen then swept 2 games as did Eric / Nikki, and the MSU Alumni found themselves singing the blues once again.

Fred / Eric opened D501 with a sweep in a hard fought game.  Dave / Mindy followed that game up with a near midget-tossing.  MSU Alumni locked up the first pick in next year's draft when Rich / Jen closed out the night with a win.

Don't let it be said that Motown doesn't swing, however.  With cheap drinks, lots of TVs, good food and a great board set-up, the MSU Alumni certainly were good hosts.

Props:
Nikki - 3 wins and 212 AS points. Three Times a Lady
Eric - 4 wins, despite comments from the peanut gallery and the handicap of $2 beers.
Jen - 4 wins.  More soul than Gladys Knight AND The Pips.
Rich - 4 wins, providing better memories than his last visit to Bear Bar.

Week 7:

When the match started, The Ship was full of confidence, riding high off of last week's rout.  With wins from Rich, Eric, Nikki and Dave, it looked as though The Ship would easily turn back the infidels.  You could almost hear Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf speaking on our behalf and boldly proclaiming "My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all!"

As the second phase of the campaign began, WMD launched a ground offensive against The Ship in Cricket.  Nikki / Eric played very well and earned a split, but The Ship's forces were soon overwhelmed. Dave  / Mindy and Rich / Jen fell like Basra and Umm Qasr, as both teams were swept.  But Comical Ali continued to stand up for The Ship, proudly stating "No I am not scared. And neither should you be!" and "God will roast their stomachs in Hell!".

Despite evidence that the infidels had infiltrated and surrounded The Ship in D501, Baghdad Bob insisted "There are no Americans infidels in Ship of Fools, never."  But reports from al-Jazeera showed Eric / Mindy losing despite nearly tossing a midget against WMD.  Then Jen / Nikki lost, followed by a feeble showing by Rich / Dave, who were felled by The Mother of All Darts.

In the final body count, The Ship went down 13-5 at the hands of WMD.  Despite a preponderance of evidence that this was the final score, the Minister of Dis-Information continues to insist that "I now inform you that you are too far from reality."

Props:
Eric - The Tommy Franks of the squad.
Nikki - Throwing precision, laser guided darts.

Week 8:

The back and forth evening started out with wins from Rich and Fred, and losses from Nikki and Eric.  After Mindy lost, Dave showed up and brought the heat.  Lighting it up with 288 AS points in his opening match, Dave made the Chuckers cry uncle, as he won his game and evened the match up at 3-3 after S501.

Oh brother, did things get interesting in Cricket!  Dave continued his torrid throwing, as he and Fred split their two games.  Rich / Mindy also split, and Eric / Nikki played very well but ended with two losses. So, after Cricket, The Ship was down 7-5 and feeling beaten like a red-headed stepchild.

But Dave continued his torrid play with an opening round win with Eric, to start D501.  Who's Your Daddy?  Fred / Mindy then upped the ante with a huge comeback win, after it looked like they were down and out.  In the last game, Rich / Nikki narrowly avoided a midget tossing, but got kicked like the family dog, and the night ended in a 9-9 tie.

Props:
Antalya - For giving Pops the fever.

Week 9:

Never one to be intimidated, Eric started the night out by playing a strong match and notching a win.  After that auspicious start Jen lost, Rich threw away a game, Holly got steamrolled by a professional, and Fred lost a game.  But Dave posted a win in the final game, giving The Ship two points, equaling its effort from Week 2.

Dave / Holly started out Cricket by getting swept by a team that would have beaten most A teams.  Eric / Rich needed a Round 9 from Eric in order to split their games.  In the last game, Nikki / Mindy were swept, putting The Ship down 9-3 after two rounds.

Despite some close matches, The Ship was swept in Doubles 501.  On the plus side, The Ship's 3 points for the night were a 50% improvement over our last effort.

Props:
Eric - 2 wins, 272 AS points, and a Round 9.  Ready to step up to B.

Week 10:

Things started out really well for The Ship, as we took five out of six to start the night.  Mindy recorded the only S501 loss, despite playing one of her best games of the season.  But once S501 ended, things really started to get crazy.

Eric / Nikki started out Cricket with two losses, leading them to come slightly unglued.  Jen / Mindy were way ahead in their first game, but lost after The Nuthouse hit a C4.  Refusing to let the tough lost drive them batty, Jen / Mindy came back strong and padded their lead in game 2 with a bunch of points before sealing the win.  In the last game, Fred / Rich played as though they were lobotomized, losing both games in an ugly fashion.

Fred / Mindy started out D501 with a nutty game.  They were ahead but couldn't close the door before the horses left the barn.  In the second game, Jen / Nikki were also ahead before things went haywire and they lost.  In the last game, Rich / Eric were neck-in-neck up until the end.  The Nuthouse made a deranged tactical error by leaving themselves with double-1, but they were able to recover and hit the nuthouse for the win, driving Rich / Eric stark raving mad in the process. Finally, The Chief ripped the water fountain from the floor and threw it through the window, and The Ship escaped from the asylum with a 12-6 loss.

Props:
Meredith Kline - One for the road.

Week 11:

I believe I mentioned in my last letter that I play on a darts team.  We get together every Tuesday at a local bar, and play against some other teams from the area.  It's a friendly outing and really a good time.  But recently, I've begun looking at the other teams in the league and wondering "Who are these annoying people in our bar?" Everything they do annoys me.  I hate the way they complain about our scorekeeping, I hate the way they needlessly point when they are already way ahead, I hate the way the sit, I hate way they smell, I hate the way they root for "Rye bread".

Anyway, Ndugu, this week we played against Hide Your Daughters, a team just ahead of us in the standings that beat us 10-8 the last time we played.  This time, we started out slowly with only two wins, from Rich and Nikki, in the first round of S501.  We played much better in the Cricket round, when each of our teams split their games.  One game did take quite a while, however.  It seemed to take forever for either team to hit a bullseye.  I'm sure you've seen some difficult times in your village in Tanzania, but you haven't seen anything as bad as this, Ndugu.  But our team really pulled together in the last round.  In fact, I wish you could have been here to see it.  We were way ahead in the first D501 game, but we lost.  But then we really came back strong to win the last two games and end the night with a 9-9 tie.

Well, Ndugu, I've rambled on, and I'm sure you are anxious to go and cash the enclosed check and run to the store for some food.  I have included a little something extra this week, for you to buy yourself some darts and a board.  If you practice, maybe you can come over and join the team someday.

Your friend,

Warren Schmidt

Props:
Rich - 3 wins, 431 AS points, and a C4.  Squid Attack!
Abdallah Mtulu - For an Oscar winning performance.

Week 12:

After losses in the first two rounds of Cricket, we really needed a to cure our ailment. Eric and Holly grabbed one win in their round of Cricket, which got us our second point of the night.

In D501, things didn't get much better.  While we did not get our tossed, we were not able to win any of the 3 games.  At the end of the night, we basically got our handed to us in a 16-2 loss.

Props:
Mindy - 292 AS points in an emergency start, with a case of jet lag.
Holly - 1 win and a full night of play in front of the posse.

Week 13:

Rest up for next week.  We'll really need to kick ass to make the playoffs.

Week 14:

We started off the night competitively, with three S501 wins from Rich, Dave and Fred.  Fred and Dave each won their games quickly and efficiently, leaving no question as to the outcome.

In Cricket, we kept hope alive with back-to-back sweeps from Rich / Fred and Eric / Mindy.  Mindy and Eric each threw a C3 in one of the games, as they nailed bull each time to snatch away the victories.  When Cricket ended, we were up 7-5, and in need of a D501 sweep to possibly make the playoffs.

Despite the presence of our lucky charm and team mascot, Rich / Dave spit the bit in the first game and erased any chance we had for the playoffs.  Fred / Jen got a win to keep our dignity, and Mindy / Nikki dropped the last game to end the night in a 9-9 tie.

We ended up in last place, because Blondie's was dropped from the league.  But that doesn't accurately depict how well we played and how close the division was.  Had we won the last night 13-5, we would have finished in a three-way tie for fourth place with WOMD and Mother Chuckers.  We beat the Chuckers head-to-head on the season, and we would have been tied with WOMD head-to-head, and would have had to play a playoff with them.  So while we ended up last, we were four points from possibly making the playoffs.

In a season that saw tougher competition than we have ever faced, we played very well overall.  With two teams that were B-level competition (Nuthouse and Copp-a-fields), it was harder to make the playoffs this season than in the past.  Meanwhile, we beat or tied every team in our league head-to-head, except Who's Your Daddy and Copp-a-fields.

Once again, we topped our team All-Star point total with 8,361 AS points between us.

Season-Ending Props:
Ironman: Rich (48), Eric (45), Fred (43), Jen / Nikki (42)
AS Points: Rich (2358), Nikki (1056), Eric (1034), Mindy (1023)
Total Wins: Rich (24), Eric (21), Jen / Fred (19)
S501 Win %: Rich (69%), Nikki (60%)
Cricket Win %: Eric (50%), Rich / Fred (45%)
D501 Win %: Jen (45%), Fred / Eric (42%)
Overall Win %: Rich (50%), Eric (47%), Jen (45%)
Corks Club: Eric (R9)