Week 1:

It took a while to get going, but Rich (back from nowhere) eventually launched The Ship's season by blowing a perfectly good lead. Not only was his aim off, but apparently he also forgot how to do math in the off-season, as he expertly managed to leave himself with a 33-out. Picking up right where she left off last season, Mindy (back from Italy) won, and threw a Ton-25 (5 Bulls) on request from Fred. Dave (back from the DL) and Jen (back from a Road Trip) both worked themselves back into shape, but lost their matches, before Nikki (back from Nam) put up a well deserved win. In the final match, Fred (back from Parsippany) lost to the bartender and after a long first round, The Ship found itself down 4-2.

As the night slowly dragged on, the rust build-up on The Ship started to show. We only managed to put up one win in Cricket, and the stamina we were once known for was strangely absent. Our reserves started to fade, and we were down 9-3 going into D501, needing a sweep to pull out a tie. Nikki saw what needed to be done and finally called for a food run. A boatload of supplies were brought in, making our table look like a bulimic's wet dream. As we shamelessly scarffed down snacks, the oil in our pores started to wear away the rust in our arms.

Riding a sugar high, we rolled into D501. Fred / Mindy lost a close match in the first game, but Meredith / Jen posted a big win in game two, almost threatening to toss a midget. In the last match of the night, Rich / Dave put up a win in a very tight match, giving us 4 points in D501 and making the final score 7-11 for the night.

All things considered, not a bad night for The Ship. Next week we return to our newly refurbished home port (where renovations were done BEFORE the season started), to sit on the fancy seats and watch the Sampos.

Props:
Nikki - For the Salt & Vinegar chips
Mindy - For the Oreos
Jen - For the Pringles
Fred - For the Bagel

Week 2:

And the answer is "Things that are stood up". Yup, for the first time in team history, we recorded a forfeit win. At 7:50P, the Guys & Dolls had only 2 people at the bar, and they were standing conveniently out in the street, instead of letting us know what was going on. After giving them another 1/2 hour, they finally told us they weren't going to have enough people, so they fore-foot. Apparently their problem is that their bar is all the way downtown (waah!) so they couldn't get to the Ship. Fortunately, all FOS members have completed their mandatory NYC subway instruction, and know how to get to the away matches (which are ALL downtown).

For the record, The Ship will get 10 points this week (they will get 0) and after week 5, everyone that was at the match will be credited with their average weekly AS points.

Not wanting to waste the boards, we played a few games of doubles and Fred / Mindy romped.

Props:
The Dart Tarts - Just because
Bernie Williams / Jason Giambi - So clutch

Week 3:

Rarely has a team raised the ire of The Ship as The Angels managed to this week. In an ironic parallel to the recent Yankees series against The "Baseball" Angels, The Ship played neck-in-neck with The "Dart" Angels all night, only to lose in a shocking upset, 8-10.

The Angels began their rankling early in the day, when the bartender told us to "show up early, and we can get started." Apparently this was a joke, since the boards were crowded when we got there, and the match started a whole 5 minutes early. Once things got underway, we played to a 3-3 tie with 6 tight games in S501.

The night started to get interesting during Cricket, where all 3 matches ended in splits. Nikki / Jen played two close games, the first of which they nearly out-bulled their opponents and almost got the win. In game 2, N / J pulled out to a big lead, and gave themselves some room with points. Apparently this offended the delicate flower on the other team, who later picked a fight with Nikki and said "Where I come from, you don't go for points when you're ahead." This girl was subsequently invited to our next match by Nikki, who told her she'd "see you next Tuesday". Later, while Dave / Meredith were playing, another one of the Angels offered a bizarre compliment, when he said "We almost don't want to beat you guys, we're having so much fun." At that point, we made a team decision to screw the match, and just hit their players with darts.

Tied 6-6 going into D501, we needed 2 of 3 to win the night and put the Angels in their place. Dave / Nikki did their part with a win in Game 1. Holly / Meredith lost a very close game, and in the last game, Rich / Jen lost despite doubling in right away. The final indignity came after they won the last match, and celebrated like they had won the World Series. They jumped up and down, cheered and broke out bottles of champagne. Then, they took pictures of the dartboard with their double-out in the board, the scoreboard, each other, and even tried to take a picture of Rich. Those not there to witness the outburst should be thankful, as an uglier scene can not be imagined.

Needless to say, Week 10 should be circled on all Ship Mates' calendars, as the date we get payback.

Props:
Nikki - Monster night, plus a TKO in the catfight
Jen - For sharing the love in a night full of hate.

Week 4:

And then came Cricket. Our play was not sharp, and Road Rage posted a total of seven R5s and one C3 across the six games, which proved too much to overcome, as The Ship ended up dropping all 6 Cricket games. There is one word that sums up the problem with Dave / Rich's opening round Cricket match, and that word is "strategery". After taking an early lead in game 1, they failed to put up any points, and allowed the Road Rage to come back and steal the game. In game 2, they fell behind and couldn't manage a come back. Meredith / Jen and Fred / Mindy fared no better, as they each dropped 2 games, as well. Luckily, Fred snuck in a C4 and a R5 before the games ended, to pad his ASS (All-Star Stats).

After the humbling sweep in Cricket, The Ship needed a sweep in D501 to salvage a tie for the night. In game 1, Fred / Mindy broke out to a 200+ point lead, and looked to be on their way to a midget tossing. But Road Rage came all the way back, before Mindy finally hit a double 1 for the win. Jen / Meredith played their usual feisty game, but lost in a close match. Rich / Nikki stepped up for the final match, and doubled-in on their first dart. After a workman-like effort to get the score down, they doubled-out on their first dart to seal the final game.

With 4 points in D501, we ended the night with a 7-11 loss. Next week we face the Huckleberries, in what might be a battle for 3rd place. Holy Cow!

Props:
Whitney - For supplying the cookies.
Dave / Nikki - For picking up the slack.

Week 5:

The Indigents changed their name to the Huckleberries, and On The C Bar got a fresh make-over, but nothing will change the fact that, ironically, The Ship hates The C. Maybe it's the jet-lag, maybe it's the lighting, maybe it's the bohemian neighborhood, but just like last season, something about traveling to Avenue C does not sit will with the squad.

The night started out with Fred in his new role as leadoff-hitter. Without any warm-up to waste his good darts, he posted a win. Meredith hiked up her skirt and got our other win, but Mindy, Rich, Eric and Jen lost, leaving us down 4-2 after S501.

With intense managerial planning and precise team pairing, we were able to improve our Cricket results infinitely over last week. Instead of going 0 for 6, we managed to go 1 for 6. The newly formed squads of Fred / Eric and Mindy / Holly both dropped two games. Rich / Jen won their first game and took a commanding lead in game 2, but they were unable to close out bull which resulted in a devastating loss. As has become common, The Ship ended Cricket down 9-3 and needing a sweep in D501 to salvage a tie.

The D501 round had enough ups and downs to cause a serious case of C-Sickness. Fred / Mindy started things out by looking as though they were going to toss the midget. But their 250+ point lead slowly started to disappear, as the Huckleberries threw a Ton and then a Ton-40 (while on the phone) to get all the way back in the game. Narrowly avoiding disaster, Mindy doubled out and The Ship took game 1. In game 2, neither team wanted to double-in and get things started. While the Huckleberries eventually got off to a big lead, Meredith / Jen battled all the way back and fought a war of attrition on double-out. The Huckleberries were stuck on a "5" out, and Jen had a bunch of near misses, but the Huckleberries finally managed to win the grueling contest. As though the Meredith / Jen game was not enough torture, one of the Huckleberries speared Holly with a dart before the final game. With a tourniquet around her arm and her hand wrapped in a crudely fashioned field dressing, Holly soldiered on to play the final game. Again, The Ship found itself down by 250 points, but Holly / Rich came back and had a few shots at doubling out before the Huckleberries took the game.

The final tally for the night was: a 5-13 loss, 1 flesh wound, and a combined $183 in cab / travel costs. At least we got some pizza out of the deal.

Props:
Eric - For a true Ship performance in his first outing, posting a Ton-19 in a loss.
Fred - Table-setter, DJ, and erotic dancing cheerleader.
Meredith - The girl who doesn't wear pants.

Week 6:

Hey Shipmates, I've got something to say. I really loved the skilful way You throw darts every Tuesday. But listen closely, not for very much longer, I've got to keep control. At a deadly pace it came from outer space, and this is how the message ran:

The night seemed bright when we began it, dammit. Rich got off the S501 schneid with his first win of the season. Facing a good opponent, Rich managed to throw a Ton-40 even though he didn't plan it, dammit, which not only allowed him to win, but also seemed to mellow him out for the rest of the evening, much like a dart enema. Meredith "2-Dart" Kline won her game, playing like a visitor from another planet, dammit. Eric scored his first Ship win by nailing a double 1, and we had a tie game after S501, and that's just one small fraction of the main attraction.

Jen Cen / Big HO lost their first game of Cricket, but, if anyone was determined to win then they am it, dammit. Paced by Holly's R6 to start things off, they came roaring back in the second game for an easy win. In round two, Nikkilicious / E-Rock played two riveting games, coming back to win after being down by seven bulls in the first, and nearly coming back from five bulls down in the second. When DAMMIT! screwed up and threw out of order, Fred cited the rules, laid down the law and told them to can it, dammit. Fred / Mindy then split their games, giving us a Cricket split for only the second time this season and sending The Ship into D501 tied, dammit.

The match was long but we ran it, dammit. Fred / Mindy started off with a rare loss, but babies, don't you panic. The hot patootie team of Jen / Meredith played like super heroes and posted a solid win. The Ship needed a win in the final match to win the night. So what happened? I see you shiver with antici... pation! But in the final match, Rich / Nikki lost, making the final score 8-10. Just remember, don't dream it, be it.

Next week is a BYE, so enjoy the week off. Reservations for the AC trip are being handled by Fred and Holly.

Props:
Meredith - 100% Win Percentage, 100% Party Percentage.
Jen - She really loves that rock n' roll.

Week 7:

Week 8:

And then, Dave / Mindy got creamed in their first Cricket game, and then they came back strong and secured a split. And then, Rich / Meredith played two-on-one and they cruised to two wins, although they played well enough to beat any two players. And then, Eric / Jen ran into a buzz saw in the last round of Cricket. And then the match was 5-7, going into D501. And then, NO MORE AND THEN!

In D501, things really got interesting. Eric started things off with a double-19, triple-20 on, and he and Mindy cruised from there, as they ended up winning the game by over 250 points. Sweet! For the second game, Rich managed to "screw up" the pairings to get his second two-on-one match of the night. (Apparently he was unable to finagle the lineup to get a game against Mindy). Even with a huge advantage, Dave / Rich came dangerously close to being tossed by 1 guy. Down by over 250 points, they finally got into the came and came back to win, narrowly saving their collective dignity. In the last game, Fred / Jen threw huge darts, sometimes too huge. With 102 on the board, Jen threw a big, yet unfortunate 99. With a dreaded 3 on the board, Jen stepped up on her next turn and nailed a double 1. DUDE, too early. On the very next turn, Fred stepped up and threw a double 1. DUDE! Luckily, they didn't waste all their double ones, and when they closed it out, the Ship had a sweep of D501 and an 11-7 win for the night. Shibby.

The match was exciting, but it was nearly topped by the post-game playing. Nikki stopped by and she joined with fellow hot-chick Jen to take Dave and Rich to school. Jen / Nikki were completely on fire. They were so completely dominant that they won every game, and even invented new games to win. At the end of the night, the other Ship team was starting a game of "legs," and Rich ponied up $5 to buy in. With a huge pile of luck and some timely darts, he walked away with $30 and a lifetime supply of pudding.

Props:
Fred - For extending a very impressive streak, and Tuesday afternoon recaps.

Week 9:

Week 10:

In the first game of Cricket, Holly and Nikki squared off against the dart bitch, and pulled off a sweep, meaning that all future cricket sweeps will now be known as "Slapping the Bitch". Unfortunately, Rich / Meredith followed up this stellar performance by receiving a bitch slapping of their own. With a split by Mindy / Fred, the match, like the final game of the 1952 Indiana State Championship game between Hickory and South Bend, was tied coming down to the wire.

But like Jimmy Chitwood telling Coach Dale "I'll make it," Holly called for the ball in D501. Undefeated in the first two rounds, she refused to watch from the bench. With ice water in her veins, she stepped up and nailed the jump shot by winning the first game and completing her undefeated night. In game 2, Meredith and Jen had the honor of facing the bitch. In a display more irritating than her week 3 performance, the bitch "doubled-in" during practice and claimed the game had started. Too bad it wasn't her turn, so Meredith was forced to once again put the bitch in her place. M / J ended up losing a close game, and just like in week 3, it all came down to the final pairing. In week 3 we dropped the final game to lose the night, but this time we ran the picket fence at 'em, as Mindy / Fred stepped up to the line and said "Not In My House". When Mindy doubled-out, the final score was 10-8, and we got our satisfaction.

Nine players in the bar functioning as one single unit ... team, team, team ... no one more important than the other. I love you guys.

Props:
Holly - 220 AS points and a sweep.
Nikki - 3 wins (a mini-sweep), and quietly leading the team in Win %.
Fred - 338 AS points.
Mindy - 3 wins, and the match-winning shot.
The Sports Guy - Read this column to see why.

Week 11:

The Ship started out as strong as Tony Atlas, when Fred, Dave and Meredith reeled off 3 straight wins in the first three games of S501. Our streak was snapped when Rich was delivered a pile driver by "Triple" Tim in the fourth game. The match was really close just before it started. Then Tim got rolling with three 95s in a row before throwing a triple-20, double-7 to get out from 74. As the match ended, Rich was heard to say "Umm, game on?". When Nikki beat Drum in the last game, we finished S501 with a 4-2 lead.

Like the evil Iron Sheik, Road Rage was not going down without a fight, and they began to assert their presence with authority in Cricket. In the first game of their match, Fred / Holly were soundly crushed. But F / H came back in game 2 and built up a commanding lead. However, unable to finish out the bulls, F / H were ultimately swept. Round 2 with Meredith / Nikki didn't fare much better, and by the time Rich / Dave got to their game, The Ship was on the brink of a complete bitch slapping in Cricket. Facing "Triple" Tim proved to be an insurmountable obstacle for R / D, as he hit triple 19, 17, 16 and 15 and easily took game 1. In game 2, R / D built up a lead, piling on points to try and stave off the relentless onslaught of triples. But they were never able to completely close the door, and when the game came down to bulls, R / D were nudged out at the end. With 6 straight losses, the Ship was down 4-8 heading into D501, and looked to be trapped in a deadly figure-four leglock.

By the time D501 started, the night had the feeling of a steel-cage match. In round 1, Fred / Nikki jumped all over "Triple" Tim (who apparently can't double) and rolled to a win. In the second game, Dave / Holly looked to be on the verge of tossing the midget. With a healthy 400+ point lead, they were cruising to an easy win, but they hit a snag. As Road Rage slowly crawled back into the game, Dave / Holly tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to double out. Even a reward from Meredith of naked lesbian action didn't seem to have any effect (although it did make Carl pretty shaky). When Holly finally hit the double-1 to end it, the match was amazingly tied, and it all came down to one last game. The last match of the night was a straight-up brawl, with both teams getting in right away. Meredith nailed two 88s to move things along, and then brought the Ship to the verge of victory. With the game on the line, Meredith stepped up to the line and threw a high, arcing dart that was reminiscent of "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka leaping from the top turnbuckle. Just like Superfly would come crashing down to smother his opponents, Meredith's dart smacked into the double-3 to deliver the final, crushing, knockout blow to Road Rage. The ref slammed his fist into the mat for the 3-count, and The Ship walked away with a sweep of D501 and 10-8 win for the night.

For the record, we have now beaten outright the #1 and #3 teams in the league, and next week we play the #2 team. Let's get ready to rumble.

Props:
Meredith - For great darts and permanently distracting Carl.
Nikki - For continuing to prove that All-Star points are meaningless.
Dave - Undefeated in D501. I'm giving you a raise.

Week 12:

Rich lost fairly quickly out of the gate, in a game which would prove to be the exception the rest of the night. Meredith fell behind in her game, but was able to come back, before losing a long match that came down to dueling 3s. The next game proved to be an even longer battle, as Fred and Ralph threw at double-1 about fifty times each before Fred lost. Mindy lost another long double-out battle, but this was sandwiched by steamroller wins from Nikki "The Stopper" Kent, including her first All-Star points of the season, and Jen. So in a round that should have ended with The Ship up 5-1, we ended S501 down 2-4.

In the first game of Cricket, Nikki / Jen played solidly, but they were matched up against a bull master and they lost both games. Mindy / Meredith had chances to win both of their games, but also lost in straight sets. In the last round, Rich / Fred, who have not played together for over a year, swept their two games convincingly. With 2 wins, the score was 4-8, and The Ship needed two wins in D501 to maintain a hold on third place in the league.

Fred / Mindy started out D501 strong, and looked to be rolling to a win, but we lost yet another battle for double-out. In game two, Dave doubled-in and doubled-out, carrying Rich along for the ride and the win. In the last game, Jen / Meredith jumped out to a lead, and Jen hit a bunch of triple-19s, but like the rest of the night, we lost the battle to double out. We ended the night with 6 points, dropping us out of third place by one point.

Props:
Nikki - Finally off the All-Star schneid.

Week 13:

Back at the site of the original midget tossing, The Ship headed into Week 13 fighting for a playoff spot. With only 4 points separating 3rd through 6th place, The Ship has a strong chance of making the playoffs, with even an outside shot at a 3rd place finish. However, with a BYE week in the last week of the season, The Ship does not control its own destiny, so it needed a strong showing in its last match.

Despite the huge group of fans that were to show up during the evening and a full roster on hand, Rich started the night out early by rolling to an easy win in front of a crowd of none. Fred and Meredith lost close matches, and despite a Ton-25, Dave nearly lost to a chucker before pulling out a win. Nikki continued her dominance with her third S501 win in a row and fifth in six games this season. Not used to playing in a new age bracket, The Birthday Girl lost the last match, and we were tied 3-3 after S501.

The steamroller that is Rich / Fred piled up 2 wins to open up the Cricket round. Mindy / Eric ran into a buzz saw in their first game, but came back to play a strong second game before losing by 1 bull. Jen / Nikki played two strong games, including 3 R5s between them, in earning a split. With another 3-3 tie, the match was even at 6-all after two rounds.

Dave / Mindy started things off in D501 with a win, completing Dave's undefeated D501 record (even though Mindy carried Dave by doubling in and out). Jen / Meredith played a great game and looked to have their match locked up before losing a double-1 contest. As always, the match came down to the final game, and The Birthday Girl stepped up to the line. The Edge doubled-in first and jumped to a 200 point lead. But Rich / Holly battled back and got down to double-out first. The Edge got stuck on 5, and refused to get an even number, leaving the door wide open for Rich / Holly. As the clock struck 12:30A, Holly blew out the candles on a long evening, nailing a double-1 and giving The Ship a 10-8 victory.

Playoff-wise, here's the deal. We are currently 3 points ahead of DAMMIT, who will get 0 points for their BYE next week, so they will finish in 6th place. With 9 BYE points next week, we will end the season with 100 points. The Imports have 82 points, and they played Road Rage this week and the Huckleberries next week. So, against the top 2 teams in the league, the Imports need to average 9 points each week in order to tie us for 4th place. If not, we make the playoffs. (FYI, in their 2 matches earlier this season, the Imports scored a total of 13 points against these teams.) If they get exactly 18 points, we head to a tie-breaker. However, in our 2 head-to-head matches this season, we won 11-7 and lost 7-11, meaning the tiebreaker is tied, and therefore we would need to play a "special match" sometime after January 7 to battle for the last playoff spot. If that match ends in a tie, then a game of 1001 is played (SI/DO) using 6 players per side (no, I'm not making this up) to determine the winner.

Props:
Holly - For giving all of us a present on her birthday.
Rich - Sweep.
Dave - An on-time arrival, yielding 2 Wins, 235 AS points, and a fight with the scorekeeper.
Nikki - There are no I's in Nikki.
Whitney, Mark, Jeff, Sam, Christine and everyone else who made the trip downtown - Thanks for comin'.

Week 14:

It was a close race to the playoffs. The Imports were ahead of us by 2 points and The Angels were only 1 point behind, but we had 9 BYE week points in our pocket. In the early game, The Huckleberries beat the Imports 11-7, putting them in a dead tie with The Ship for the last two playoff spots. But in the late game, Road Rage crushed the Angels 13-5, thus securing our first-ever spot in the playoffs. We tied The Imports 18-18 in regular-season matches, but since we both made the playoffs, there is no other tie-breaker, so we ended the season in a tie for 3rd / 4th place. Congratulations to everyone on a solid season!

We beat every team in our league head-to-head except the Huckleberries. On the season, we split with The Imports, The Angels and DAMMIT. We scored 17 against Road Rage, and 11 against The Huckleberries.

We obliterated our team All-Star point total with 8,339 AS points between us.

Season-Ending Props:
Ironman: Rich (37), Meredith, Jen, Fred (32)
AS Points: Fred (1502), Rich (1452), Holly (1100)
Total Wins: Rich (18), Fred (15)
S501 Win %: Nikki (83%), Dave (67%)
Cricket Win %: Rich (50%), Holly (40%)
D501 Win %: Dave (100%), Nikki (80%)
Overall Win %: Dave (59%), Nikki (56%)

Playoffs - Round 1:

Good grief, we made it to the playoffs, but we were hardly satisfied with just getting there. In its first post-season appearance, The Ship put together a strong, gutsy performance that was apropos of our season, and once again delivered a drama more compelling and gripping than anything on TV.

The night started out perfectly, according to the "Grand Master Plan". We took a chance sending Fred out first, but then again, you take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan. But Fred came through by doubling out on his first shot and beating Mr. FanMan. Mindy backed up Fred's win with a win of her own, and suddenly we were sitting pretty, just 8 points from victory. Then the co-captains spoiled the GMP, as Rich got his ass handed to him by "B League" Jon, and Holly lost to Miss Random. Dave put up a big win before Nikki "83%" surprisingly lost, leaving us in a 3-3 tie after S501.

The GMP really took a beating once we got to Cricket. Despite our best efforts to get favorable match-ups, we got some tough pairings in round two. Mindy / Dave opened things up with 2 losses, narrowly dropping their second game. With the GMP rapidly unraveling, Fred / Rich played two good games, but they were not good enough to hold off their annoying opponents. Jen / Eric also played well, and were on the verge of taking their games, but ultimately rounded out the Cricket bitch slapping handed to the Ship. The sweep left The Ship with its back to the wall, down 3-9, meaning that Shoot Em needed only 1 win in D501 to win the night, and we needed a sweep to force a tie-breaker.

Shoot Em decided to throw their two best players at us in the first game, obviously thinking they would only need one game to end the night. And frankly, that made the resulting game all the more satisfying. While Jon / FanMan doubled-in first and put up a bunch of points, they stalled out when they got to double-out. Dave / Meredith stayed tough, and continued to knock down points until they reached 41. With 3 darts in her hand and Rich uncomfortably breathing down her neck, Meredith threw a 7 and a double-17, absolutely crushing Jon / FanMan and driving a wedge into the Shoot Em team. They were so enraged that their true colors emerged, as they a) refused to shake hands with Meredith, b) started ranting maniacally, and c) nearly came to tears. Riding a wave of euphoria, Rich / Holly followed this game by nearly tossing a midget and coasting to an easy win. Suddenly, the match, and the season, came down to one game. A win by The Ship would force a 1001 tie-breaker, and a win by Shoot Em would end the night. Nikki / Jen were up to the task, as they immediately followed a double-in with a double-in of their own. While the game was moderately close, Shoot Em managed to double-out first, ending a glorious season for The Ship.

In some post-match conversation, Shoot Em said that they "knew we'd get in some lucky throws" and also apologized for their dickheadian behavior. But as Tanner Boyle and Timmy Lupus said "You can take your apology and your trophy and shove it straight up your ass! And another thing, just wait 'til next year!"

Playoff Props:
Meredith - Cool as the other side of the pillow. (Let's face it, you deserved this, right?)
Dave - For keeping a perfect D501 record intact.
The Squad - For a great showing, for delivering another thrilling match and for another kick-ass season.